i hate it here.

i want everyone to leave me alone.

just forget about me.

i've never existed.

i'm a bad person and i know it so please go away.

i'm unhealthy in every possible way.

i lack a range of emotions.

i am always concealing something.

i never feel real.

i do so many stupid things that it's become entirely too easy to make fun of me.

i get drunk and do even more stupid things that i rarely remember.

i wait around for other people.

my priorities change to accomodate others leaving little time for me to try to understand what the fuck is wrong with me.

i worry constantly. about the least worrisome of things.

i judge myself all day. non stop. all the time. 

i don't take care of myself. my mom keeps calling me asking me about whether or not i've been "taking care of myself." and i tell her yes. and she tells me that she's had nightmares lately. that makes me nervous.

i don't sleep.

i don't do my homework. i don't care about my homework.

i waste my time doing dumb things like blogging and being whiny when i could be doing something purposeful.

i am unhappy and i'm good at hiding it.

i dream about leaving this place all day long.

i don't know if i know who i am.

i don't know. i don't know.

for now, solitude must surround me.

i'm sorry for all the ways i hurt other people. 

i am sorry.

i'm gonna try to get better.