sittin in the library with chuckie and bennie.
it's 91 degrees out!
so ben and i swam in his pool in new sharon, we ate some wine & strawberries, chilled with some little ones and breathed the breeze on the docks.
and today is just beginning...

most men lead lives of quiet desperation

oh and it was so warm on my day off!
and we went to the beach and portland was hot and windy and we wore dresses and cutoffs and had picnics and drove places and laid in the grass and walked to and fro and it was beautiful.
i adore you you.
had an amy-esque evening with haley the other night- it was quite necessary.
work tomorrow. day off thursday.

hobojesus

this distant encounter made a huge impact on me.

also, i am losing my mind, among other things.

i wrote this down yesterday:

i went to see dr. wright. she gave me a prescription. it's so very warm out. feels like 60. i was driving fast with my window down- it smelled l ike spring. i decided to drive through the village instead of taking route 1 to get back to the highschool to return the car. driving driving looking at people on the sidewalk. see a man with a tan blanket wrapped around his shoulders walking away from me. as i approach and slowly pass him i crane my neck to see his face. my mind is blown. it is my guy. the homeless man who ben and i saw almost everyday while living in Portland. my favorite homeless man. in york village? his hair looked a bit more wild and dirty than usual. he still had his walking stick and was smiling and taking his time to walk down the street. york maine??? i had never gone more than a day or so without getting worried about not seeing him. he has never asked me for money or anyone for that matter. he is silent. he has always nodded his head as we pass. he is gentle, though i've never spoken to him i can't describe the joy i would feel each time we would pass by him in Portland. he is lovely and to have just seen him? here?? as i drive by?? i called ben directly afterward frantically asking him what i should do. i felt like i should pull over and talk to him. but what would i say? would he even recognize me? does he remember me? is it a sign but what of? what should i do? ben said that maybe for right now i should try to use my experience for myself to benefit me somehow, not to worry so much about what i can do for him. i dont know what this means. i have so much love for him, for this stranger.

he is my guardian angel. no. he is god. i don't believe in god, but i believe in that man. he is a holy man he is beautiful. i want to paint him in the clouds with that enigmatic mona lisa smile and dirty cheeks that he always has. i wish i had a picture of him. id like to think that if i did take a picture, the frame would come back empty or blurred because he is a mystic. i wish i hope hes okay. i hope i will see him again. i want him to talk to me. i want to make him something. i want to hug and hold him forever.

he is god? for lack of a better word. he embodies peace and humility and humbleness and i can see his spirit and it is the most gentle of all. he shields all the animals beneath his layers and cloaks. his stick is magical and old. he has walked many miles. he is hobojesus. he is my savior. i love him with all my heart. he deserves better. i hope he is happy. do you think he is happy? do you think he wanted it this way? most would say no but im not so sure. his leisurely walk and face sometimes make me feel like this is exactly how he wanted it and he is the most content man alive. i hope this is true.

if i ever find myself lost, next time maybe i'll try praying to him. i hope he is happy. i hope i hope i hope. i want him to be the centerfold for all the art i create. i want everyone to realize his kindness.

i am the dark

had a lovely time with haley today. we went to an abandoned nursing home and it was real great.
here yeh goooooo!!!
clickem up!

she lifts her skirt up to her knees

AWH! dani came up to portland and made my night on saturday and bought me a ticket to see ray lamontagne at the civic center. thank you thank you thank you it was most wonderful as i expected. and lemme tell you how even nicer looking this man is in person. best.

it was the 3rd of june; another sleepy dusty delta day

first friday was lovely! i made a good 50 bucks and drank wine from a bag with ben and tim.

here i am, as you can see, bringin in the dough:

little maggie came over for a sleepover as well and i wish that it would happen far more often than it does.  you are always welcome my dear!

i went a little overboard on the fourth, but recovered before the night was over. 

i made a delicious soup, home made bread and hummus and felt mighty productive. 

also:

splurged $7 total for the two of these vinyl essentials:

trying desperately to find a job in portland so i might be able to stay put in one place for more than a few days at a time.

so glad it's stopped raining.  

hope that all is well for all!

boston is not cool

finally back in maine.

animal collective was fanfuckingtastic last night

but everyone in boston can go fuck themselves fo sho.

huge colony of trendy, rich pricks

 

we kissed the ground once we made it back to portland

love maine love love love love you

need  i say more?