sacred=profane

to do:

-learn self control

-stand the fuck up for yourself

-imagine beauty

-remember that you will never be the only one

-buy film

-try harder to give up

-scape up some self respect to go with that control

-clean room

-eat more vegetables

i suck always. 

this morning i wrote haikus in english.

inconsistency

fireflies flicker on ice

red lips float past me

underneath is rot

intestines writhe, crawl inside

eat your heart out boy

i am a shadow

can you see me fall?

can't see me at all.

i hate that clicking.

if only i was skinny.

my knees are mountains.

do you think of me?

i think of you. bright blue eyes

i chase you in dreams

your hair is dirty

no, no shower. i like it.

you always smell good.

my belly jiggles

macho pigs, slam that head hard

blurry. black. im gone

5-7-5 syllables is my new mantra. 

it's cool, we can still be friends

lately, i am unwell

Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek
Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek
You pull away so easily

And I still call you, but I get your machine
yeah I still call you, but I get your machine
And if I'm lucky I guess, It's your roommate answering
But you're at the bar, or at Gene's

And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand
We sit at the same table, we don't play with our feet
Yeah we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss
When the waitress turns around

And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch
Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap
The plot is slow, take a nap

And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes
Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes
I'm only there so that you're not alone

And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer
Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer
Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare
Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there

I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies
I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies
Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies
I see through them all the time
So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up.

gross, i suck.