no, i suppose thats a lie. it's just so strange. humans are difficult for me to understand. maybe i just haven't met the right humans yet. im not sure... just seems like the enthusiasm i have for my fellow humans is never equally returned to me. in response, i feel guilty. as if there is something about myself that isn't suitable for others. then i feel as though it is my entire being that needs fixing. what i say, the way i look, my body, my weight, my opinions, my decisions, my thoughts. i make myself believe that maybe if i was different in some certain way that that would be the key... that from then on, i'd have lots more friends who are genuine, that i'd have someone who would try to love me, that i would be happy, that i'd be pretty.
i know that if i happened to change myself things would still remain the same. same as always.
what must change is the inability to enjoy myself without others in my company. i must learn to be independent or i will never survive. i must begin to rely on myself for joy, not others. i must learn to stand up for myself. i musn't spend my days waiting for dreams that will never be realized. i must give up. i give up.
2 comments:
i think you're very pretty.
and dont change yourself for anyone.
the right people are out there.
babe, I've given up too. It'll be fine though, we will meet real people eventually.
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